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Uh. I'm Dwork.

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Bodyguard, male prostitute and wielder of a massive flaming glaive. Over-powered, over-sexed and over-here.

  • Slayer of sail boats and slow moving zombies
  • Killed a huge catapillar (which apparently fell on Jack's mothers house)
  • Destroyed the only copy of finest poem ever written on an entire plane of existence (wtg!)
  • Cut down the beanstalk (which fell on the remains of Jack's mothers house)

For hire - in soo many ways

Gotta go and beat somebody up.

(Generic true name is now chaos orc)

Is it normal?!

  • I've had my brains ripped out (death 1)
  • I've been shredded by hell hound that jumped 40 ft in a single bound (death 2)
  • My blood has been frozen solid (death 3)
  • I've been turned into a goat and ended up bonking the other nymph changed fighter in the party in the middle of a combat (not that I'm complaining)
  • Repeatedly killed by Rank 1000 fireballs in the Mind of a God


1. Jack and the Beanstalk Autumn 807: Some old lady's son (a lazy one), has disappeared up a beanstalk and she wants him found and brought back.
2. Fire and Ice Winter 807: seems some blue dudes are appearing in some caves some where and killing people in very chilling ways.

  • Bravest award nomination: taking out a deurguar with a high speed flying run with a 20ft lance, skewering the grey dwarf front to back. This with an unfamiliar weapon and limited flying skill
  • Stupidest award nomination: picking up one of the small red fire berries - and throwing it, setting of a chain reaction of exploding berries, damaging most of the party and making all of the nasty things in the area rather excited.

3. Dead Like Us Spring 807: To go to a plane where Death has come from (the employer) and find out what has happened to his Reapers, and to find out why he is not getting any messages from his Lord
4. Living on the Edge Summer 808: Looks like a small request to go and investigate (loot) a Drow palace, but ends up endangering a whole universe
5. The Long Way Home Autumn 808: Spent a lot of time as 'special diplomatic agents' for a bunch of Hobbits. Wierd. Killed a lot of Groiki (diplomatic immunity is great!)
6. Save the Demon Thaw 808: somebody has kidnapped this super powerful Demon and we've gotta get him back. I thought Demons were bad?!
7. Can we fix it? Summer 809: Remember that universe we endangered? (Living on the Edge) Well it is still in danger, so in the best tradition of Guild adventures we're going to see if we can get it right this time

  • Stupidest award! Insulted the 'Prince of Fate', then took a card when offered by that demon (got sucked into the card)

8. Ground Zero Day Winter 809: Hired as Death's Head auxiliaries by Lieutenant Borjanski for a special mission behind enemy lines - or more specifically in the Mind of a God (better than the mind of an orc I guess)
9. The Great Sperm Race Summer 810: Employed by Onitu (An Avatar of a God) to try to make sure that his candidate (sperm) was the one that made it to that final goal. We failed. Koffi got there first.

  • Stupidest award! In some sort of pocket universe where our will and intent shaped the laws of magic and physics, when we were trying desperately to think of ideas to escape, the orc kept saying No, that won't work - so of course they didn't.

10. Dark Dangerous Secrets Spring 810 WK: Went to a strange place - a huge and tall, magic and steam powered city (don't ask me how that works). Did some crime investigation. Found the bad guys. Blew up the bad guys - with two massive (rank twenty-one) fireballs straight through the doors of a candy factory (never trust anyone who makes candy).
11. Where Have All The Dragons Gone? Winter 811 WK: Much feared leader of a brave and successul band of adventurers. Found out the Dragons were being taken by some major powers of cold. Go figure.
12. Delph Vermin - The Extermination Mission Summer 812: An estate on the island of Delph is overrun by vermin (Orks, Goblins, Ogres etc). Boy did I kill alot of vermin.
13. Divisions Within Autumn 812: The dwarven clans are fighting and engaging in a bit of an arms race. We get to go and kill dwarves, abominations and free the kobolds - and kill a fire demon abomination with a massive ice sled
14. Squid Row Summer 813: Simple track and kill mission. A kalimar is kidnapping merchant kids in the Free Trade City and Lady Arial and other kalimar don't like that. Now, where is my kalimar track and kill kit? As a result of the mistakes of Dumb-Ass Dirk, I am now only 5 ft tall (but gained a talent of size alteration (currently +/-14"))
15. Darkness Falls Spring 813: Return to Korinia - a loose end to tidy up - a powerful drow lich necromancer named Eeallice


  • Glaive - my favourite, especially when it is a Rank 26 Enhancing Enhancement Weapon of Flame
  • Estoc - perfect for pentrating those armour plated crustation types
  • Main Gauche - especially when it is a Rank 26 Enhancing Enhancement Weapon of Flame
  • Cestus - especially when ...
  • Fists - an old favourite


  • The Blood Moon is a painful time of the year - that's when my Blood Band is feed