SGT809-3

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Editorial Room for the Winter 809 Edition

Quotable Quotes

• Basalic – "Fire at will" Menolly – "Which one’s Will?"
• Menolly - "Oh no. The spiders killed Santa Claus. Here are all the presents"
• Aurora - "I'm a blonde" Rowan & Brigetta - "We know"
• Aurora - "I work for the Seagate Times - There's nothing in my coin purse"
• MDK (referring to the depth of the river) - "It only comes up to here on the ducks"
• Lizette - "I don't wanna lose my shield"
• Lizette - "I don't use my courtier skills much. Every time I do it just makes it worse"
• Aurora - "I'm a fae. If it's (the cauldron) is cold iron it'll burn me if I touch it" Rowan - "It's hot"

Insidious Rumours

• Apparantly Sabrina turned down the chance to become the goddess of her own plane, because she wanted to get her armour adjusted first. Sabrina's retort that she didn't have her unborn child with her at the time, and wasn't sure it would be a good nurturing environment anyway doesn't ring as true to these ears as an appeal to her vanity.
• Naden the famed abstemious monk and 'white' necromancer is about to put his roots down and get hitched. It seems the Queen of the Dryads has tempted him with an indecent proposal, being that she would marry him if only he could grow some wood. He is now seriously contemplating the life of a roving Treant; how this will affect his ability of Scarring Terrain and inclination for a life at sea remains to be seen. His recent gift of an entire province of Alfheim indicates that he may be considering it seriously.

What's Hot, What's Not

Hot

• Life Aspect
• Elven Babes
• Brownies

Not

• Being Pacted to Lera..?
• Goblins
• Breaking a magical weapon

Recent Adventures / News in Brief

Slow Portal Broken

The slow portal between the Guild Carrot closet and Elvenburg is temporary out of action. The portal was accidentely affected by an anti-magic substance, known as 'blackrock' while the Guild party in transit was fighting off the attentions of a 'shadow-dweller'. If not for the actions of their elven guide, it is quite conceivable that the path would have completely collapsed, depositing them in the misty Void. A spokeman for Guild Security tells us that 'work is in progress in restabilising the portal, but it is currently unknown when normal services will be resumed.

Guild parties are reminded NOT to aggravate any entities discovered during portal travelling.

Guild Party Liberate Alfheim Provinces

A guild party, led by Braegon the Magnificent, has swept through Alfheim and put the place in order as part of their preparations for the mass birthing in Ladlaugh. They decided to interpret their mandate to ensure the next generation of elves will have a safe and nurturing environment as broadly as possible. As a result Braegon’s group of senior ‘healers’ slew Gasferis, Dragon-Lord of Úvandor and took his hoard -- stolen from the elvish crown -- as ‘compensation’. They then liberated over 2 million souls that were haunting the forests of Seensplate, leaving a large necromantic place of power in their wake. Lifting the infestation of lost spirits from Seensplate wasn’t intended to provide lebensraum for the tens of thousands of elves being born 10 miles south of Seensplate, but as a wedding gift for the Queen of the Dryads, on behalf of her betrothed, Naden. The Elvish Queen is said to be unamused at the casual liberation of two of her lost provinces (and their revenues), but Lord Kerenthos of the rebel province Liesuen claimed it was ‘worth every penny’.

New Resurrection Record Set

While liberating hundreds of thousands of souls in Alfheim, Braegon the Magnificent has set an all-comers Alusian Mass Resurrection record. At the peak of his resurrection binge, he resurrected an average of over 10 souls per second for several hours. Even now, Braegon, and his fellow life-aspected assistants Silverfoam and Caprice, go all dreamy when this event is mentioned. It is also said that part-way through this stupendous feat, several legions of demons turned up to investigate the mass transfer of souls, and Caprice send them back to Hell with their tails between their legs with a single sharply-worded retort; this interlude did not make the medical report.

Ladle Not Yet Found ... But Still A Work In Progress

Last season, an adventuring party set forth with the task of following up rumours to the missing Healing Potion Ladle. We didn't find it, but did obtain the information that it is no longer on this plane. We did however discover a type of wine that has healing properties, thanks to special herbs that can only be harvested in winter, and news of a portal to a realm controlled by the Green Queen which seems to be in a perpetual state of war. Whether or not there are opportunities and benefits for warrior inclined Guild members is yet to be determined but a known drawback of this place is Death Aspect. Blessings so far, seem to be accelerated healing and toughness.

So, if any adventuring groups are travelling off-plane and they hear rumours of a Ladle that provides healing properties, Guild Security would like those checked out. After all, it might be ours ... and we want it back.

Demon Threat Averted

A party, while adventuring in Delph, encountered and destroyed a demon who had power over the earth. The demon had been confined to the summoning circle at the time, but had managed to turn the surrounding environs against the summoner. It is unknown why this demon, who is not one of the actual 71, was summoned but if it had managed to work its way out of the circle, it could have posed a serious threat to the surrounding countryside and, eventually, to the rest of Alusia.

Guild News

Dalran Betrays Seir

The scheming Enchanter and Spymaster, Dalran the Loon has pulled off yet another dastardly scheme. Having earlier sold his soul to Seir to gain earthly power and knowledge, he has now rejected Seir’s aid, and reclaimed the remaining blackened fragments of his soul. This change of heart happened after a clandestine meeting with the Calamar agent Larak Mafader, and resulted in several subsequent ‘chance’ encounters with various Archangels. Whichever side Dalran is nominally working for, you can be sure that he will betray them shortly, if not for personal gain, then for amusement and sheer malice. Turn your back on this evil fiend at your peril.

In other news, the Guild would like to congratulate the senior and respected guild member Chevalier Roke for successfully renegotiating an external contractual arrangement with the Willing Prince.

Birth Notices

Autumn has been a busy time for midwives and healers. Especially for a dozen guild members who volunteered their time and expertise this last month to help with the delivery of thousands of Elven babies in Ladlaugh. High Lady Anelia expressed her gratitude to the guild members: Amelia, Anathea, Braegon, Darien, Kelestra, Mary-M, Mortimer, Pennlucien, Phaeton, Sabrina, Serra Angelus, and Silverfoam.

Several guild members (and not all of them Elves) have new additions to their families this season...

Arthur & Amelia Pendragon are delighted to announce the birth of their 2nd daughter, Madeline, on the 18th of Harvest 809.

Aryan and Countess Ebola are delighted to announce the birth of their second daughter Aloise. Mother and daughter are well and enjoying the summer in Ebola, Aryan was last seen heading for a pub in Seagate.

Isil-Eth is delighted to announce the birth of her daughter.

Lucius and High Lady Anelia are delighted to announce the birth of their daughter.

Sabrina and Tarahell are delighted to announce the birth of their son.

Serra Angelus is delighted to announce the birth of her daughter .

Vychan refuses to comment.

Columns and Articles

Calamar Slay Demon Lord?

The Marquis of Archers, Lord of Strife, one of the Unholy Seventy-Two, appears to be no more. It is understood that the Calamar void cruiser In Search of Civilian Applications approached our very own Sabrina in early Autumn, seeking a truce for the purposes of destroying an unspecified third party. There is little direct evidence that the Calamar did destroy the Marquis of Archers; however, as philosophers now struggle to remember his very name (?Leraie?), it is unsurprising that further investigations are also returning blanks. The philosopher Silverfoam has revealed that the amount of strife in the world has decreased slightly from previous measurements, and that there are now only 71 regions of Hell, not 72 as previously supposed. As always, the Calamar are unavailable for comment; more surprisingly, none of the Powers (on either side) are voicing opinions either. At this stage, the Times is unwilling to credit the Calamar with a good deed.

Red Moon over Confederation Bay

Celestial Adepts in Ranke and northern Carzala have been reporting for the last month that the Moon appears to be a dusky red. This apparent tint is not visible to anyone else, and Astrologers have reported nothing out of the ordinary. The first sign of problems occurred on the fifth of Vintage, when a vermillion crescent moon rose in the East. It is hoped that the current New Moon will bring an end to this freak phenomenon. Some Dark and Star Celestials have also claimed that magic was more difficult during the third week of the month, but divinations show nothing amiss. There has also been no sign further afield of this optical effect. The Guild Council denies they are planning a mission to the Moon, and instead have directed our reporters to the marked increase in red paint sales in late Harvest.

Tips for Adventurers

Still More Things I Learned Not To Do When Watching Lizette On Adventure

1. Do not DA strange things in portals
2. When they say don't look - DON'T LOOK!
3. Do NOT use anti-magic items in a slow portal

Classifieds (Selling Services and Stuff)

Wife Wanted

Powerful E&E seeking smart, pretty wife to join him in world domination (from behind the scenes), and acceptance by polite society. Huge tracts of land desirable but not mandatory. Must be able to produce at least one child and still look fantastic in court.

If you can't work out who to contact then you're not qualified.

Magical Weapons Wanted

If you've got any magical weapons you don't want any more, consider letting me purchase them. I'll buy anything that suits my purposes, am skilled in, such as swords, glaives, and battleaxes, are not demonically aligned, and can afford. Contact Basalic, either at the Guild or at Bolton Manor.

Tools for Vigorous Missionarying

Could current Agents of Light (particularly those who serve Michael or Uriel) please contact Kit at the United Church in New Seagate; I may be able to be of some assistance.

Or bring your gold to the Silk Lounge in New Seagate if the title piqued your interest for other reasons, we'll definitely be of some assistance.

Armour For Sale

Medium sized non magical drow halfplate. Weighs 20lbs. Tough (AP7) but a little stiff (AG-1). Suitable for a medium level non-mage adventurer. 2000sp or near offer. See Basalic at the Guild or Bolton Manor.

Riddles and Puzzles

Eva the Vengeful is lost in the forest of forgetfulness, and needs to know what day of the week it is. She espies a black lion and a white unicorn frolicking in a glade, and shares her conundrum. The lion says “Well, yesterday was one of my lying days, and you should believe me because I only lie on Sunday, Moonday and Duesday while the Unicorn always lies on Wotansday, Thorsday and Frysday.” Frustrated, Eva threatens them, saying “If I can’t figure out what day of the week it is, I’ll kill you both, but I’ll spare the life of whoever gives me the answer to my question.” The unicorn replies “Well in that case, yesterday was one of my lying days, and you should believe me because I only lie on Sunday, Moonday and Duesday while the Lion always lies on Wotansday, Thorsday and Frysday.” Eva thinks for a few minutes, scowls at the prancing animals, and then thinks some more. Finally, she says “Thank you, I know what day it is, and who lied to me”, casts Sinking Doom once, and walks off, whistling a happy tune. What day of the week is it? Who does Eva slay for lying to her? Warning – the obvious answer is wrong.

Printed Copies Required

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Helen Saggers (as my husband ran the priter out of ink... he blames me of course)