SGT810-1

Other Editions

Editorial Room for the Summer 810 Edition

Quotable Quotes

On seeing a pitched battle between harlequins and mimes sprinting down the street, Gobbo was heard to remark "that was a running gag"

Tegan to Daisy, about Gobbo "I don't care what as he does as long as he's back on the leash before I notice"

Sven on being asked to drop his trousers and thrust against a door which can only be opened by the push of a man "I'd rather die." Pause "Actually, I'd rather do this". Drops his trousers and thrusts to no avail.

Emma (party employer): "Never offer to baby sit a dragon".

MDK - "We present to you, your Emperor, your Emperess, and here is a heir we prepared earlier."

Grendel - "We undermine the warehouses and deposit their contents into the river"
Phaeton - "So, let me get this straight. You're planning on liquidating their assets."

MDK - "I am so good at Archery that I have been Accused of being an Elf"
Isil Eth - "That is such an insult."
MDK - "I know!"

Phaeton - "I have some experience in courtesan"
Ben - "What's her name?"
MDK - "Do you get loyalty discounts?"

Isil Eth - "Humans squander mana"
Sooty - "Low Mana level in the town getting you down too?"

Sooty - "I guess we wait for a few hours before they get eaten by a randon predator"
Ben (in tiger form) - "I'm not random"

Isil Eth - "How much is this diamond worth?"
MDK - "It's just glass. You should give it to me"

Insidious Rumours

Kern pregnant with Albion's Love Child

Disgraced noble Kern, exiled from his own home is rumoured to have found refuge in the arms of Albion. And it turns out that while male now, having been a woman once before was enough for Kern to get knocked up by Mister Virility.

What's Hot, What's Not

Hot

• Elven Provinces
• Smiting Devils
• Angelic Swords
• Magic Tomes

Not

• Elven Pleasure Palaces
• Hyper-Fertile Elves
• Demonic Liessa
• Consequences

Recent Adventures / News in Brief

Eidolon Evacuated

The Queen started a royal procession around the provinces this Spring and the nobles of Eidolon have left their pleasure palaces to get their provinces in order. Palace staff not required during their absence have been sent home for a holiday and the guards have stopped visitors to the floating city.

The main reason for this exodus is not widely known. The floating city was initially the first line of defence against the escape of an ancient evil imprisoned below the lake. Now that the ancient evil has been disturbed and shows signs of escaping it's time to re-arm the fortress and clear out the civilians.

The contents of the Palace and private libraries in Eidolon are being relocated to the University, sorting and categorisation of these new acquisitions is going very well and they should be available for enquiries within a decade or two.

Art and other valuables are being moved to warehouses in the lower city as resources allow. Guild members with valuables stored in Eidolon are advised to contact a representative of the relocation administrative committee at Elfanburg with proof of ownership to request the new location of their valuables.

No Civil War Here

The armies of Alfheim under the command of Lady Celeblothel have mostly recovered from their sojourn in Hell as demonic minions of Malphas and are starting to return from Ladlaugh to resume their posts. Frequently referred to as the 'Gay Brigade' for their famous parties the 1st and 17th legions are expected to be a little less frivolous during the hard times to come. The Lady herself is rumoured to be receiving extensive treatment at an exclusive health spa.

Elvandar is keeping its borders closed for the security of the realm. The Elvandan army have been at the core of the military forces helping the High Elves leave Eidolon. "We remember our duty to defend Alfheim from all of her enemies" said one Elvandan commander as he helped the Second Assistant Secretary of the Royal Committee for the Betterment of Elven Needlework out of Eidolon.

Michael was Unavailable

Sorry to anyone who wanted to call on the Avatar of Michael this season, we got distracted by other evils and let a demonic remnant of Liessa rip his head off.

New Pirate Trouble

Vapour and his party have convinced a Fae pirate with an undead crew on a planar-travelling ship to move to Alusian waters. He has previously captured and sunk Destinian vessels, and has been provided with charts from Seagate to the Isles of Adventure. While several guild members have congratulated Vapour's foresight in providing more employment, the Duke -- and most of the local merchants -- have been less than pleased with the result. Since the arrival of this vessel off our coast in early Spring, two carracks have already gone missing on their way to the Five Sisters.

Guild News

Contagious Albion

Guild Warning: Albion has been so fertile this spring that just being in the same room is enough to get you pregnant.

Female Elves, Orcs, and Vychan are all warned to mind their proximity to Albion until he is cleared.

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• Helen Saggers