SGT806-1

Other Editions

Editorial Room for the Summer 806 Edition

Quotable Quotes

• Axis (on finding a peephole into the party's quarters): "I would say I feel violated, but since I just ran a Wizard's Eye through their entire house..."
• Kern: "I don't look girly... I'm feminine!"
• Kern: "So you're the big faerie". Dramus: "I'm not the one wearing women's clothes".
• Mortimer: "Dramus, your chance of pregnancy by the end of this adventure is low". Dramus: "I know that's good, but somehow I feel disappointed".
• Kern: "No, no, the women want the men to be pregnant... oh, wait..."
• Kern: "I don't want to kiss Aryan. It'd be wrong... he's married!"
• Mary M: "You'd be surprised how many Adventurers have a place you can stick cream buns and they come out fresh".
• Dramus: "If it's all women, is it still a penal colony?"
• Engalton "Maybe it sends us to another dimension." Saydar "You are such an optimist."
• Liessa "Let's do a test run on Dramus' tower. We can always say 'elf, necromancer, magic tower, anyone could make that mistake' afterwards."
• Entire party "Book, brk, brk, brk, book." - to a Dark Titan
• Saydar "It's OK, we havn't been agonied so they're just having a bit of fun."
• Unknown "Sorted! All we have to do is destroy the part of her that holds her love as a mother."

Insidious Rumours

• Which strapping male warriors left the Guild looking like buxom red-heads this season? And is there any truth to the rumour that one spent considerable time "adjusting her armour" while the other was left alone by the party for a while to "look after her feminine needs"?

What's Hot, What's Not

Hot

• Spell barrier
• Blood charms

Not

• Titan Golems

Recent Adventures / News in Brief

Under the Tuscana Sun

A party led by Kilroy battled a vile magical plague centred in the Duchy of Tuscana this season. A Lich Child and an ancient elven Greater Summoner were behind the subversion attempt. The plague put the victims under a type of Binding Will. Its strength went down with the number of contacts between them, and the Baron who was originally infected.

The party rescued the Baron's wife from Hamburg and forced the Lich Child to leave his body. While he was inconvenienced they found the Baron at his hunting lodge, killed the skeletal knight and companions there, and stopped the consecration ritual they were performing. Mercifully, few infected innocents died before Lysander was able to free them of the plague. Unfortunately the Baron temporarily passed on, handing on his title to his son.

The now-leaderless remaining undead in the Barony were destroyed or driven back to the Dark Circle, Motley taking a large burden of this task. Help was given to authorities to excise the foul influence from the Duchy.

The Duchy of Tuscany is looking for settlers of stature to strengthen the south-eastern borders. Mebh, Logan Bury, Roke and Darien have taken land in the Duchy, while the latter two are now Ducal Investigators.

Columns and Articles

Queen slain, nation in chaos!

Al-Almbra Last week, a Seagate Guild party assassinated Rashak the Restorer. A rabble of sub-sentients and the arch-traitor Sabrina ruthlessly struck down our Queen. "It was horrible, just horrible" reported Dra-kash, one of the few survivors. "There we were, making our procession to reaffirm our dark lady's position of rightful and divine authority. It was a fair night and our soothsayers had foretold of no ominous forebodings for the journey."

Making her way to the King stone, Rashak was ambushed by Engalton and his band of marauders, commonly known as the "Engalgoons". This group is personally responsible for thwarting many of their rightful, appointed places in the world.

"We knew it was Engalton, the moment he and his foul troupe appeared upon the Great Bearer. Their unholy presence caused the Bearer itself to rot and perish under their foul tread. We tried to parlay, but this uncivilized thug would not have that. He just unleashed those pet monsters, Saydar and Vychan upon us."

'Saydar' the so called Baron of Erewhon is a base and foul creature best known for subverting the 'great craft' to his own twisted aims.

"He has perverted the noble arts of death," ruled Fes*luk, High Judge of the Court. The destruction of so many of the hallowed ones with his twisted arts means he cannot be allowed to live. And he is an orc, that most base of creatures. That Engalton has nurtured this creature and taught it to ape it's betters is just one of a long list of crimes."

'Vychan' is a giant, permanently in Engalton's thrall. This once noble creature is now a hideous mockery of himself, having been warped and twisted to suit Engalton's mad goals.

"Vychan just froze Lord Nagack," wailed Dra-kash. "One of our finest scholars, poets and philosophers. The author of the 'Illumination of Souls' and a great ruler respected for his devotion to law and order. Who knows what other great works lay inside his mind, now unwritten because of that divinish spawn."

"And if that wasn't bad enough the rogue Morgan and the arch-traitor Sabrina just slaughtered any sent to bring these felons to justice. They laughed and sneered as they avoided our just wrath and their unholy weapons seared us from reality itself. Oft-times Sabrina would kick a valiant warrior when he was down. That traitor is utterly without remorse or mercy."

'Morgan' is on record as saying "I'm just this guy."

'Sabrina' is of course wanted for detailed questioning and an accounting of her own, numerous crimes against the lawfully appointed Lords of Allusia.

"And all the time Engalton and his bitch, Liessa just stood there laughing at our fate. While their assassins did the dirty work they blocked our magics and restored their minions with vitalmancy. Vitalmancy! How can such a blasphemy against reason be allowed to exist! Surely this proves once and for all that all vitalmancers are a threat and danger to society."

Vitalmancy is indeed a foul and heinous crime against reason often practiced by the sub-sentient and traitors.

"They then just teleported near the Queen and slew her!" They could have done that all along, had they wanted to but they prolonged the agony. They wanted us to know that we could not help our beloved queen and that we would die knowing we had failed to protect her. It is an agony beyond measure they have inflicted on us!"

"And last, there was a shadowy tattooed man with them. He seemed calm amongst the storm and I am sure that he is the true power behind the Engalgoons. I could certainly tell that both life and death served him. If I was to truly dread anyone, it would be this 'mystery man'."

Who is this man? Is he really the author of all this? What does he stand to gain by our ruin? And can he be stopped?

The nation is still in a state of shock at this hideous and foul crime.

Classifieds (Selling Services and Stuff)

Celebratory Libation (Free Drinks)

Ye Golden Ingot. Prince Graaven of the Bright, Wordsmith & Dirk (prop) We are glad to announce that we will be providing free dinks at this Guild Meeting in honour of the current victories.

We will also gladly accept donations for the aid of the benevolent widows and orphans fund.

File:Advert.jpg

Letters

needs work...

DEAR GUILD,

PERMIT ME TO INFORM YOU OF MY DESIRE OF GOING INTO BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU. I COMTACT YOU DUE TO YOU ESTEEMING NATURE AND THE RECOMMENDATIONS GIVEN TO ME AS A REPUTABLE AND TRUST WORTHY PERSON AND I CAN DO BUSINESS WITH AND BY THEIR RECOMMENDATIONS I MUST NOT HESITATE TO CONFIDE IN YOU FOR THIS SIMPLE AND SINCERE BUSINESS.

I AM FREDRICK ASHRAK, AN EMPLOYEE OF RASHAK, A VERY WEALTHY AND RELIGIOUS WOMAN, BEFORE SHE WAS MURDERED TO DEATH BY A GROUP OF GREEDY MERCINARIES. I CONTACT YOU DUE TO YOU ESTEEMING NATURE AND THE RECOMMENDATIONS GIVEN TO ME.

BEFORE HER DEATH SHE SECRETLY CALLED ME ON HIS BEDSIDE AND TOLD ME THAT HE HAS A SUM OF 16,500,000 SP (SIXTEEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND SILVER PENNIES) LEFT IN A VAULTS IN THE DARK CIRCLE.

SHE ALSO EXPLAINED TO ME THAT IT WAS BECAUSE OF THIS WEALTH AND PIOTY THAT SHE WAS KILLED BY THESE MERCINARIES, THAT I SHOULD SEEK FOR A PARTNER IN A KINGDOM OF MY CHOICE WHERE I WILL TRANSFER THIS MONEY AND USE IT FOR INVESTMENT PURPOSE (SUCH AS REAL ESTATE AND ORPHANAGES).

SIR, IAM HONOURABLY SEEKING YOUR ASSISTANCE IN THE FOLLOWING WAYS. 1) TO PROVIDE A SECURE VAULT WHERE THIS MONEY WOULD BE TRANSFERED 2) MAKE ARRANGEMENT FOR ME TO COME OVER TO YOUR KINGDOM 3) AND, MOST IMPORTANTLY, TO SECURE MEMBERSHIP TO YOUR ESTEME GUILD.

MOREOVER, SIR, I AM WILLING TO OFFER YOU 15% OF THE TOTAL SUM AS COMPENSATION FOR YOUR EFFORT INPUT AFTER THE SUCCESSFUL TRANSFER OF THIS FUND TO YOUR VAULTS. FURTHERMORE, YOU CAN INDICATE YOUR OPTION TOWARDS ASSISTING ME AS I BELIEVE THAT THIS TRANSACTION WOULD BE CONCLUDED WITHIN SEVEN (7) DAYS YOU SIGNIFY INTEREST TO ASSIST ME.

ANTICIPATING HEARING FROM YOU SOON.

BEST REGARDS. FREDRICK ASHRAK