SGT810-3

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-Elves, a spotters guide-

The elves of alusia are a varied and diverse lot and it pays to know what sort of elf you're dealing with. This is so you can respond with apropiate customs / firepower. Just answer the folling questions.

1. The elf is dressed in: a) Bright shiny stuff that's hard to look at. b) I have no idea I can't see them. c) Green and white armour. d) Blacks and reds with writhing symbols e) Something so elegant and tasteful I feel like a worm f) It's dressed quite normally, only the ears giveit away.

2. They are equipped with: a) Wondrous artifacts of dazzling power b) Bows and arrows I guess, Jim just went down. We can't see them. c) Swords, spears, daggers. All sharp and well used. d) Staves, snakes and curvy daggers. e) A musical instrument, fan or hairbrush. f) Some kind of agricultural / torture device

3. They are speaking: a) Mystical words of power and my ITN. b) Laughter, because Jeff was shot in the throat c) Maniacal battlecries that chill the blood d) Something hideous I'm glad I can't translate e) Slowly and loudly in some unitelligable language f) Common, not well, but the've worked out I dont speak elvish.

4. They want: a) Nothing I have, i'm too primitive b) Who knows, we cant see them, Tims down too now. c) Victory in some conflict that's being going on since before we discovered fire d) My soul for their demonic masters e) For us to leave, or bathe. Not too sure. f) Money, for their stuff.

5. They give us: a) Some shiny beads. b) Arrows, which were poisoned, my legs going numb, c) A short sharp lesson in warfare. d) Eternal pain and suffering. e) Fashion advice and some soap. f) Stuff, well made too.

6. As they leave they a) Barely acknowledge our existance. b) Leave? We never saw the bastards. c) Heal the dead and dying and charge off. d) Slay us, death is the only true release e) Hold their noses f) Thank us and hope we meet again.

Mostly a: Ancient Elves: These elves hark back to a time of legends and wonders and really have been locked in a vault, cave, underground city in the intervening time. They have not interacted with other sapients except for gods and dragons and are a bit behind in world events. Most of the time they're greeting translates as 'By the gods, a talking monkey'. They are not very helpful unless you want a banana or some pats on the head.

Mostly b:Wild Elves: These elves believe in harmony with the wild outdoors and as such are unparalleled outdoorselfs. They also intensly dislike outsiders which is probably why your companions have come down with a bad case of arrows. Would it help to know they have a rich and varied culture with many fine traditions? Maybe not.

Mostly c: Beltan Elves: These elves have been fighting someone or something since the ancient ones were locked up. While this makes them fine warriors they can be a little odd. Well, okay they're obsessed. Some would say that after a few thousand years of unending conflict you'ld be willing to sit down and talk. Not these loonies. War, war and more war is what the beltan are about.

Mostly d: Dark Elves: Occasionally known as drow, the dark elves are servants of the dark powers and their principal agents on Alusia. Their main aims involve advancing as far up the demonic heirarchy as they can. Insofar as they regard others it is only with regards to fufilling their own dark aims. Mostly this will be as slaves, sacrifice fodder or both.

Mostly e: High Elves: These are the cream of elven society. And indeed, they are thick, rich clods. While their taste, manners and company are amazing and perfect they are little use for anything remotely practical. Unless you want endless, pointless idle chatter that is.

Mostly f: New Elves: The main common feature of these elves is that they're not uptight xenophobes. They only associate with the others because they have to. While a little boring and unexciting they make suprisingly good neighbours. Just don't joke about their leader. Gardener is a respected profession. So is career soldier.

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