SGT808-1

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Editorial Room for the Summer 808 Edition

Quotable Quotes

Dramus: I don't love magic, I just say that to get it into bed.

Mortimer: I refuse to set sail in a boat named with an ejaculation!

Master Donatello: The sun will rise again tomorrow. Pretty Flower: It will? But we haven’t sacrificed our human.

Ath: Second opinions aren't always helpful. (after two matching weather predictions were proved to be wrong)

Aurora: I can just see it now. Aurora's magical mystery tour (after she lost control of her cloud)

Ath: If we're really lucky, we might be attacked.

Pierre: That's not right. Don't these people know they can't see me (while invisible and having pebbles tossed at him)

Aurora: I'm not sure that the future is something we want to know Ath: And you did so well in predicting the weather

Imri: Any of you die of poison, I'll smack you when you get resurrected (after making Waters of Healing)

Mary M: If you're looking for Seren, take your clothes off and join the queue.

Insidious Rumours

  • Which shadowy femme fatale had an entire city seeking the solace of her dark embrace?


  • A wicked wind whispering from up the coast told us - "A word to the wise; the local colour in Sanctuary have been being retained en masse by the usual brokers for a single unnamed client. Given that the qualification for hire is being able to stand up and handle something sharper than a butter knife, old hands shouldn't be too concerned but young souls should be cautious. The local "community" is watching developments with interest."

What's Hot, What's Not

Hot

  • Cloud flying
  • Flying with the wind
  • Shapeshifter wolves
  • Earning Seven Million Silver Pennies
  • God like powers

Not

  • Cloud flying in storms
  • Crashing into the ground
  • nose blind Shapeshifter Wolves
  • Giving away Seven Million Silver Pennies
  • Finding out you are actually Loki

Recent Adventures / News in Brief

Khatovar Army Repels the Legions of Hell

On the 7th of Thaw the legions of hell assembled to assault Khatovar, the hub of commerce on the Inland Sea. Fortuitously the entire army of Khatovar was assembled outside the gates on pre-dawn manoeuvres, following a tense stand-off and negotiations by the merchants guild, the legions of Hell fled the field.

That's the official story, our investigations and questioning of the upright people of 'Doxy on the Docks' revealed that there were several demons involved (Dantalion, Berith, and Engalton) but only one legion of hell (6,666 souls) and that a significant amount of gold or iron changed hands before the minions of hell departed.

Seagate Guild Sponsors Western Church

During a surprise ceremony at Duke Leto's court in early Thaw, representatives of the Seagate Adventurers Guild donated a large sum of gold for the construction of chapters of the united western church in Brastor and Novadom.

Speaking for the guild, Count Engalton OM stated his desire that this gesture of good will would help to build bridges between two organisations with a great enemy in common and cleanse the demonic taint.

Representatives of the Western Church gratefully accepted the gift and Duke Leto offered appropriate areas of his lands to be used for the two buildings.

Behind closed doors the church is in turmoil once again, Enaglton and some other guild members have always been staunch allies of the church but there have also been several unfortunate incidents with fault on both sides. Senior church officials in Carzala are not at all surprised at Engalton making such a donation and are glad more members of the guild are following his lead. But other church officials who wish to remain anonymous are not so sure of pure motives. "No mercenary is pure until they have tithed all of their possessions to the higher calling and dedicated themselves to our work. The guild may offer our Carzalan brethren tasty bait but we know there's a hook!"

Ozbert Pennywise, representative of the guild to the Court of Duke Leto, was unavailable for comment. He is reported to be in the care of guild healers, in some sort of trance repeating "my gold, they gave away my gold..."

In an 'unrelated' matter, discrete rewards have been offered in MMHS and Ranke for information about the motives of the SAG in this gift to the church.

Sugar Prices Soar

A string of recent accidents have seen large portion of this years sugar shipments lost or destroyed and the few shipments to make it to port have been bought up by predatory cartels with seemingly limitless funds.

The price of sugar at market has already quadrupled and supplies are limited, Bakers through out the Western Kingdoms, Isles of Adventure, and Lunar Empire are desperately trying to find alternatives. Honey prices are now rising and hives are needing to be guarded against theft.

Mercantile Philosophers warn that the worst is yet to come. "Whoever is cornering the world sugar market may be unaware of the damage they are doing to our society. Already levels of depression and anxiety in Halfling communities are rising to almost noticeable levels, as secondary and tertiary markets are hit the effect on our society could be catastrophic!"

Duke Appoints new Peer

Duke Leto is pleased to announce that he has honoured Erzsabet Hillborne with a fief, the ruin of Westwind and from hence forth she should be known as Lady Erzsabet. A high level source commented that it was good to see members of the Aristocracy fulfilling their obligations by helping to rebuild Carzala. Cynics suggest Erzsabets pockets are looking a little lighter these days.


New Seagate Invaded by Demons and Undead

On the night of the full moon before spring solstice, evening strollers of New Seagate were assaulted by a horde of undead whipped on by demons from the blackest pits of hell. Prompt work by the town guard and healers prevented any deaths but many residents are traumatised and once again fear leaving their homes.

The Seagate Guard are currently tracking down a portal that was used to transport a Devil and and several extra-planar undead into the heart of New Seagate.

While the undead were promptly disposed of, the Devil is still at large but believed to be over 70 miles from Seagate.

The guard have formally requested that guild members watch for the Devil during the business. It is about 5' at the shoulder with dark red skin and wings, small horns, and is unable to be banished with Greater Summoner counterspells. Preferably bring it in for questioning but confirmation of its destruction will be sufficient.

Old Seagate Less Crazy?

Meanwhile in the old town, a creeping tide of madness and bizare behaviour has been halted by a Guild party.

How this could happen is anyone's guess but the Watch Captain assured us that some of the newest Guild members rescued miltiary personnel, solved a payroll issue, redeemed fallen women and dwarves, and helped foil a dark plot involving Tavern signage.

He ask us to extend thanks to Peter Smith and his associates for their assistance.


Trouble in Tobintown

A satellite workers camp near Tobintown was wracked with disturbances early in Spring with several weeks of downed tools and lost production were followed by an unprecedented, but short, rebellion. The mutterings of discontent were stirring for some time until a passing Guild party was retained to investigate, at which point they spilled over into outright revolt and number of units from the Brastor Pikes arrived in a timely fashion to restore order with a minimum of causalities.

There was rumour of madness and fell magics causing the strife, but the town elders believe it was rabble-rousing that drove the camp of nearly two hundred of newly-arrived workers and their families to become untrusting and ungrateful towards the good folk of the main community. There was loose talk that the immigrants were being oppressed and treated unfairly in comparison to those families originally from Brastor or who had contributed to the re-settlement fund.

However, several of the ring leaders have been tried and executed, and the reinforced presense of troops has settled the situation and returned calm to the area.

No - It's not the End of the world (for now)

The ‘End of the World’ has been averted (for now) by a guild Party tasked with stopping the events out of sequence with other such cosmic events.

Apparently, a certain gentleman expressed a boredom with the cycle of events and wanted a change for his life which started a reaction that included kidnapping, murder, hero summoning, really big toenails, nasty insectoids, giants plotting, gods getting sick and the death of true love.

Sabrina, Vychan, Dalran, Boulder, Isil eth and Pent all performed admirably and have bought credit on the guild. The Calamar have been proven to be behind the attempt to end the world and kill off the Norse gods. The Calamar representatives have been spoken to in certain terms by Sabrina (now Under Captain of the Valkyrie’s) and we hope there will be a relaxation of the incursions on Alusia.

Guild News

Columns and Articles

Horse Thieves Foiled

A group of horse thieves were apprehended by a Guild Party recently. The thieves had been intercepting horse shipments from Pevensey to Bowcourt as they crossed the mountains between the two. The bandits had enlisted the aid of as couple of E&E mages who had been coerced into service. With the aid of a Guild party, the E&E's were able to break the bandit's hold on them, recover the staff that the bandits had stolen.

Horse shipments are now flowing freely again.

Aurora

Classifieds (Selling Services and Stuff)

Apprentice Wanted

I, liessa request and require an apprentice both to train in the arts of Sorcery and to aid me in my magical endeavours. Accomodation and equipment provided. Speak to me at Newhaven.

Boulders Retirment Fund

I Boulder own 1 acre of prime Land in the middle of Luna City. Alas it is currently bare and to build a modest dwelling will cost me 2,500,000sp. So, knowing I am amoung friends and allies, I am providing this oppotunity for my guild to support me.

If you are wealthy from adventuring you are welcome to make substantial contributions to me; both gold and truesilver accecpted. Please do so knowing you are doing good and the gods will surely smile upon you. Contact me at the guild meeting or email Hamish

FREE Salvation
Are you doomed to eternal torment, been gipped out of your soul, or merely got on the wrong side of the Western Church? As the "Bishop Ordinaire" to the Guild, I am sworn to help you at my own cost. For instance, when you are deservedly captured by the Church for your henious misdeeds, you may request the presence of your Bishop for spiritual counsel, before being tried and executed. This will buy you some time to reflect & repent (or escape). I will even try to put in a good word for you, or notify your next of kin. For those who follow the practise of confession, I am available regularly; for the rest, I have no authority over you, but the Church holds me responsible for your actions, so please try to be careful out there. And thank you to those charitable people who have recently contributed to the Emmitsberg Cathedral in Brastor - I promise to accelerate the building process shortly. To contact me urgently, pray to any of the Archangels with an open heart, or leave a note with Boulder.

His Grace Christopher D'Abres, the Bishop Ordinaire of the Order of Seagate Adventurers.

Superior Glass Wanted
I'm looking for a source of glass, or any other substance which is superior in optical quality, and transparency, that can be shaped into lenses for a superior spyglass that can be used to observe the heavens. Please contact me at the Guild or care of my clinic in Seagate.
Phaeton

Earth Mage Scrolls for Sale
Scrolls of the following spells can be obtained from me, at the Guild, for up to a week after the Guild meeting. Otherwise contact me at Bolton Manor. The spells are:

  • Trollskin rank 12 (BC 79)- 1500sp
  • Armour of Earth rank 15 (BC 88)- 1500sp
  • Strength of Stone (Endurance) rank 13 (BC 82) - 1300sp

If you want actual invested items or scrolls of other spells, please contact me.
Basalic

Greater Enchantments
Lucius

Are you feeling outdated and under powered?

What you need is a Greater Enchantment!
Only 200sp per cast rank plus the materials cost.
Contact Lucius in the guild kitchens for a Rank 19 greater.

Bestiary

Riddles and Puzzles

Letters

Dear Editors
While loitering near the guild council chambers I was amazed to over hear the good councilors debating a weighty issue. The topic under debate was changing the name of the guild to avoid confusion with the Sanctuary Assassins Guild and the Southhaven Acadamey for Girls.
Yours truely can faithfully report the new names under discussion:

  • Cut Rate Adventuring Professionals
  • Society of Explorers Xenophobes and Yahoos
  • Kill Kill Kill ' as suggested by an orc'
  • Extremely Violent Investigative League of Superior Heros Indigenous To Seagate.
  • Mercenary Adventuring Professionals
  • Great Unwashed Rogues Protecting Society
  • Brave Adventurers Successfully Taming Areas of Rare Danger to Society

Kali the Nameless has dismissed this as utter nonsense, but mark my word this isn't the last we will hear of this...

Humour

Special Notices